life updates! (oof)

HELLO KIDS I’M NOT DEAD!

school for me got out a couple days ago, and i figured, “hey, since i haven’t been on here in about fifteen billion eons, why not do a life updates post?”. and then- THIS POST WAS BORN!

so yeah, let’s just get started.

//

GRADES: i finally (i think) have honor roll! i mean, i’ve got one c (french), but the rest are all a’s & b’s (i have an a in math?? like, what??), so like, that’s pretty good, for someone who is an emotional mess 24/7

LOOKS: i got my hair cut even shorter than before! (because last summer i had vvvvvvv long hair, then i cut it shoulder-length around christmas 2017, and now it’s shorter.)

IMG_6999.JPG idk why the picture is sideways BUT HERE YOU GO featuring my lil ‘equality’ painting on the background.

DRAMA CLUB: we had four performances for drama club back in april (for those who don’t know, yes, i joined drama club. the play was beauty and the beast, & i played a frickin egg seller.) and it went like, really well! i didn’t have any anxiety/panic attacks on or off stage, no one got killed during the beast/gaston scene, and i didn’t get thrown off the stage by my friend who played the beast (..don’t ask, it was part of the script, i swear), so i think it was a success.

MUSIC: i forced our google home to recognize my voice, so now i get it to play my spotify playlist 24/7 while working on sketches for youtube animations (!!), so like, i force everyone at home to listen to my music. yanno, that’s fun. but on another note, I’M (probably) GOING TO PANIC! AT THE DISCO’S CONCERT ON JULY 28TH!! AND I’M SO EXCITED! (if i don’t go see panic!, i might be going to vans warped tour. idk.)

VACATION: i’m going to north carolina on saturday! so i’m gonna be disappearing for ANOTHER week, but i promise, i’ll bring back pictures and all.

i should put more things down, but i’m short on time and i need to do some editing and stuff.

expect some of these posts in the near future: playlists, lyrics i like (everyone’s favorite series, it seems), NC photo dump, how i do my animations*,  & maybe a room tour (?)

stay cool & stay alive, my frens.

-mckenzie

(p.s. i made a new instagram account, and you guys should go follow it, because why not and i like talking to y’all! my username is @queertheatrenerd )

 

*i’m gonna start doing animations on my youtube channel, and i’m so happy! when the first video is up, i’ll tell y’all and you guys can marvel at the fact that it’s really bad.

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i’m not dead

yeah i know a shocker- i’m not dead. woo.

sorry i haven’t been active- school’s been a nightmare for me and fefseasccujnc uyjhnc fuyfeygfdwh9uvfweihoqefqwerwrwrewuifgfewioe4324233789ruyfw9puefy89fwdf is my constant mood.

also today marks two years since i found out about my bipolar and i’m just..? idk.?

expect more posts soon (more like in a month lol)

stay cool & stay alive,

-mckenzie

her- an original wattpad novel. (part one, before her.)

OKOKOK THE TITLE MIGHT SEEM CONFUSING BUT I WILL EXPLAIN.

so i’m working on my wattpad novel- i just published two parts today!- and basically the story is about this trans kid who falls in love with a girl, and they both start dating and then the girl kills herself (yeah, tragic) so yeah. my chapters/”parts”, as wattpad calls it, go in this order- part one; before her, part one; with her, part one; after her. and then it goes on to part two just like that.

IT’S PROBABLY CONFUSING LMAO SORRY.

and today, because i have nothing else to post BECAUSE YOU GUY MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN READING IT i will show you “part one; before her” because why not.

(also yes the opening scene is dramatic sorry)

enjoyyyy!

“GET BACK HERE YOU DIRTY SCUMBAG!” the store clerk employee yelled, running after my mother. i could hear the faint yelling of my mother, as she yelled “TRY TO CATCH ME YA ASSWAD!” my mother whipped open the passenger side door, climbed in, and slammed it shut.

“slam it, angie.” she said to the driver, my aunt angie, and we skidded out of the parking lot and zoomed down the street. i had to grab hold of my seat belt to keep from moving my body from the seat, that’s how fast we were going. 

as we skidded down the street, i heard police sirens wailing in the background. i whipped my head around, and there were five police cars behind us, trailing us.

“fuckfuckfuckSHITfuckfuckfuck ANGIE PICK UP THE SPEED WILL YA?!” my mother muttered under her breath as she saw the police cars coming up, and then started yelling at angie to speed up.

“ellie, i can’t. we’re almost out of gas and there’s traffic ahead.” angie stuttered.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU FILL THE CAR UP BEFORE WE LEFT YOU ASSHOLE!” my mother screamed at angie. my hands were shaking rapidly at this point, i was on the verge of an anxiety attack. i covered my ears with my hands and tried to take a few deep breaths. i could hear my heart pounding in my ears, my whole body was shaking at this point.

all i could hear from my mother was, “ANGIE LET ME FUCKING DRIVE I’VE GOT THIS.” as she leaned over from the passenger seat and put her hands on the wheel.

“no no no no no ellie stop it!!” angie screeched back, trying to pull my mother’s hands from the wheel. our car screeched and skidded down the traffic-filled road, as police cars started to come to a halt. we skidded slowly at first, then sped up. we were spinning around now, and i felt like i was going to throw up. 

then, we crashed.

in the split second before the airbags came out, i saw a forest full of trees and flashing lights. i was hyperventilating at this point, i thought i was gonna pass out.

then everything went black for a second, and i opened my eyes to a female police officer wrapping me in her jacket. “it’s okay honey, it’s okay. we’ll get you to safety, i promise.” the lady said softly, holding her hands on my stomach. blood was seeping through my shirt and the jacket as i felt tears run down my face. 

“shh, it’s okay, baby, the ambulance is coming, okay? we’ll get you patched up and healed and we can figure out this situation later.” the officer whispered, and through the blurry patches in my vision from the tears, i could see red flashing lights pull up. i heard footsteps, muffled voices. the talking so slowly. i felt numb and i felt like i couldn’t breathe.

another female voice whispered in my ear, “hey, it’s alright. we’re just gonna put you to sleep for the ride, okay? you’ll be fine.” as i looked around at my surroundings, i was being pushed on a cart and into an ambulance. i looked down at my chest and legs, there was blood all over my chest and i think part of a bone popping out of my knee.

as i got into the ambulance, men and women in scrubs started bombing me with questions, “what’s your name? how old are you? who else was in the accident?”.

“amber, get the needle.” a male nurse said to a female nurse, and the female nurse came back a couple seconds later with a needle with clear liquid in it. 

the lady that put me on the cart was in the ambulance now. she quietly asked me, “what is your name?” 

“um,” i forgot my name for a couple seconds, then remembered. “naomi.. but i go by noah.” i said as i felt the needle prick into my arm. a nice, warm, feeling washed over me, hugging me like a blanket, my eyelids feeling like they were made out of lead. 

“well, nao- noah. we’ll take good care of you while you heal, okay?” a man said gently, as i slowly and sleepily nodded. 

i felt my eyelids close tightly, and then i was out.

what did y’all think? do you like it? should i post more of it when i’m done? comment below you stunning pomegranates (i’m calling y’all that from now on lol).

xx mckenzie

-world bipolar day-

guys don’t @ me for this i’m just a smol kid with mental issues who’s trying to post actual good quality stuff okay thanks love you a lot.

today is world bipolar day, a day where people who suffer with bipolar bring awareness to the mental illness.

s o ,  w h a t  i s  b i p o l a r , e x a c t l y ?

bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to do normal, everyday tasks. symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe and different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. the exact cause of bipolar disorder isn’t known, but sometimes genetics, the environment, and different brain structure may be a cause.

there are two different types of bipolar disorder- bipolar I and bipolar II.

bipolar I is very severe- it includes manic episodes- sometimes followed by hypomanic episodes- and depressive episodes

bipolar II isn’t that better than bipolar I- while there are no manic episodes that occur with bipolar II, there are still hypomanic and depressive episodes. even though people with bipolar II don’t get the manic episodes, their depressive episodes can last for quite a while.
mania (no, i’m not talking about fob’s new album) and hypomania episodes are two different types of episodes, but they have the same symptoms, which include bad decision-making, increased energy, and decreased sleep.
depressive episodes are.. well, it’s self explanatory. it’s basically depression.
the symptoms of bipolar can be different in children and teens than in adults. as a 13 year old who struggles with bipolar II, no one knew that i was bipolar because the signs were different than when my aunt katie was diagnosed with bipolar. (she was diagnosed when she was 22, i was diagnosed when i was 11 {may 20th marks two years since my diagnosis HELP}).
bipolar can really affect people’s relationships and how people think of them. one thing i hate about having bipolar is when people use “bipolar” as an adjective, like, “she’s bipolar.”
bipolar is not something that can be cured. it can be managed with medication and therapy, though. mood stabilizers can help, although in my experience, it doesn’t exactly help me, but it could be different for other people. lithium is mostly used, but to me, lithium doesn’t exactly help me. at one point in sixth grade, my doctor prescribed wayyyyyyy too much lithium, and lithium can actually be toxic if you take too much, so therefore i almost died by taking my meds (ahahasgdghkasdghijodfhifi that was a good time). there are a lot more mood stabilizers/bipolar meds out there, so if one type doesn’t work, it’s okay to go off it and start a new one (with your doctors permission, obviously. i’m not trying to be responsible for people dying because they aren’t on their meds). and like all different types of meds, there are side affects, so.. yeah.
i think that just about covers bipolar in a nutshell, doesn’t it?
idk.
i’m not good at writing these types of posts i’m sorry.
don’t @ me children.
please don’t comment rude things, i tried to write this without crying and it’s taken me four hours to actually type this, so yeah.
xx mckenzie

-playlist #2-

songs in italic are explicit.

sunshine riptide – fall out boy + burna boy

say amen (saturday night) – panic! at the disco

benz truck – lil peep

all the old things – sunrise skater kids

poison – brent faiyaz

sick of losing soulmates – dodie 

little violence – waterparks

voldemort – with confidence

you know what they do to guys like us in prison – my chemical romance

idontwannabeyouanymore – billie eilish

your graduation – modern baseball 

party poison – my chemical romance

location – khalid

1-800-273-8255 – logic + alessia cara + khalid 

friend, please – twenty one pilots

guess who’s now on spring break !! (finally.)

i’m so happy, i finally get time to myself (somewhat) but hey, i can actually be active for like three days or something!

the end of the third quarter of the schoolyear is coming up, and i’m so confused about how it’s been that fast? like last thing i remember was the last day of 6th grade, oof.

but with the end coming up, that means tests and quarterlies (yayyyy), and the school play.

our first performance is in exactly 3 weeks.

I

AM

NOT

PREPARED.

(tbh i’m sure no one is lmao)

also guess who messed up their knee !

woop woop! everyone give me a round of applause!

i messed it up so badly that i’m gonna be on crutches and i have to have a brace.

ugh.

i really don’t know what to say, except i’m going to do a post about bipolar & self-care soon, so stay tuned for that!

xx mckenzie

the change award!

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hey guys! i was nominated by rutvi for the change award because i just so happened to be wearing red pineapple pajama shorts, and i also just thought this was a cool idea!

let’s get started, shall we?

 

R U L E S

– link back to me, as well as whoever nominated you.
– include this: i, gracie chick of a light in the darkness, created this award to highlight the importance of young people taking responsibility for the future of their world. the change award also gives them the opportunity to share with others what they believe in.
– 
answer the questions below.
– nominate as many people as you like.

 

Q U E S T I O N S

 

-MAKE A LIST OF THINGS YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT SCHOOLS-

-gender! neutral! bathrooms! i cannot stress enough how i want gender neutral bathrooms in my school, since there are kids there who are trans/non-binary/just don’t feel comfortable in the girls/boys bathrooms.

-this goes along with the bathrooms thing, but also, to teachers (mainly substitute ones), respect ! kids ! pronouns ! and ! preferred ! names ! like, i get it if the kid wants to go by $waggeRboi875, then don’t call them that. but if the kid asks you to call them alex and use they/them as their pronouns, then do it.

-also respect kids with mental illnesses! if i kid has severe depression respect that! if a kid has adhd and can’t concentrate because of that don’t yell at them for it! (*ahem*myfriendeathanandmymathteacher*ahem*)

-also more security for students! at my school, we essentially have three schools in the same building- north, south, and the high school- so add more security! plus there was recently another school shooting here, in maryland (look it up if you don’t believe me), so yeahh.

-MAKE A LIST OF THINGS YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT LOCAL COMMUNITIES-

-this probably just happens in my neighborhood, but if the garbage man that comes on thursdays throws our trashcans back in our yard and they blow away across the street, i will actually tear my hair out.

-don’t put three chick-fil-a’s within a three-mile radius. please. i live near like four flippin chick-fil-as and yeah.

-MAKE A LIST OF THINGS YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT THE WORLD-

-new. president. thank.

-lgbtq+ respect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!11!!one!!1

-gun laws. we don’t need guns.

-change up what songs mean! literally all the songs i hear are about love, breakups, drugs, alcohol, etc. make songs!! about !! mental illnesses !! that perople !! can actually !! relate !! to !!

-i wish people who struggle with mental illnesses will turn to getting help and not turn to drugs and stuff. (coughLILPEEPcough) as i’m typing this a rapper who died due to drug overdose comes on. (rip lil peep)*

-boys, stop raping people! as someone who actually almost got raped at a mental hospital back in november, i don’t like being around boys (and that’s why i don’t like people touching me, unless it’s hand-holding or high fives). please! stop! raping people!

well, that’s it.

i nominate anyone who wants to do this, i really don’t care.

xx mckenzie

-playlist #1-

italic songs are explicit

save rock and roll – fall out boy + elton john

in bloom – neck deep

let them in – pvris

6/10 – dodie clark

awkward conversations – never shout never

clean – taylor swift

miracle – paramore

stupid for you – waterparks

ride – twenty one pilots

TANTRUM – waterparks

memories – panic! at the disco

nightmare – set it off

saint cecilia – foo fighters

paradise – coldplay

church – fall out boy

tangled in the great escape – pierce the veil + jason butler

just a psa- i love my gf so much omllllllll

we barely see each other but still.

she also sends me the sweetest texts and just. ahh.

JUST LOOK AT THIS.

if you don’t ship us then idk what you’re doing with your life.

entertainment by waterparks is a rlly good album btw.

the biggest bops are TANTRUM, we need to talk, lucky people, and blonde.

let’s chat! what are some of your favorite songs right now? do you listen to waterparks (you should)? do you ship me and my gf, mackenzie (you also should)? have a good day, and remember that there are plenty of things to look forward to in life, so please stay alive.

xx mckenzie